Obama’s Health Care Memo to Boomers: Do the right thing: Die!

Office of Health Care Resource Conservation
United States Department of Health and Human Services
Washington, DC
July 26, 2009

Thomas D. Cox
[address redacted]

Dear Mr. Cox:

Our records indicate that you are sixty years of age as of your last birthday. The Office has made an examination your centralized medical records, according to HHS regulations.

This examination indicates that you have a combination of seemingly minor medical conditions that, when looked at in the aggregate by a computerized statistical analysis program developed in the Peoples Republic of China, indicate that you may be subject to one or more serious, major health conditions which would require extensive and costly medical treatment. Treatment of these conditions would consume valuable health care resources that are already strained meeting the needs of your fellow Americans.

Your Social Security records indicate an extensive work history. Your credit history includes several stays at vacation and recreation sites. These observations lead the Office to find that you have lived a full and successful life, and we congratulate you on your many accomplishments.

It is our finding, with due regard for the value and potential costs of your life to the greater society, that no more than thirty days from the issuance date of this letter, you should report to the nearest local clinic of the Office of Health Care Resource Conservation, for humane life termination.

Please bring positive identification, including a certified copy of your birth certificate, your Social Security card, and your federally-approved smart picture identification card. You should wear comfortable clothing, and leave all valuables, such as watch, wedding ring, cash and credit cards at home. If you use public transportation to get to your appointment at the clinic, your estate will be reimbursed for the expense

It is our duty to caution you against delaying your appearance at the center. Doing so will result in a warrant being issued for your arrest for contempt of government. As you may know, there is no trial afforded to anyone against who such a warrant has been issued. All civil rights normally accorded to you by government are suspended at the time this warrant is issued, because as of the date and time of issue, you are legally deceased.

We are sure that you will make the responsible decision, and that none of the above measures will be required, saving government resources and protecting your friends and family from the personal and financial stresses of being arrested for harboring a legally-deceased federal fugitive.

Again, we thank you for your long, productive life, and we fully expect that you will cooperate in this process. Please rest assured that your remains (after useful body parts have been removed) will be disposed of in the clinic’s ultra-high-efficiency crematorium in an environmentally sound manner, with the least possible Carbon Dioxide emission.

Thank you for your cooperation.

[signed]
Kathleen Sibelius
Secretary of Health and Human Services

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